Apartments as Persons as Apartments
The only nice corner of my apartment
My Prison on Crescent
For me, 2020 actually began on October 26, 2019 when my bedroom ceiling flooded for the sixth or seventh time in my old apartment. This led to a giant war between my landlord and me that stretched into February. Naturally, I didn’t want to renew my lease.
About this time last year, I was frantically searching for a new place to live. The options were pretty terrible, especially considering that things were looking very shaky at my job. I honestly didn’t know if I’d be employed throughout the summer, so I needed to keep it affordable. No places were great, and after weeks of horrible options, I found one that seemed acceptable. I jumped on it. With all the crap I’ll describe below, I’ve had to remind myself that it was the best I could do with a bad situation.
Pretty much from the moment that I signed the lease, shit went sour. There were annoying issues with the lease, moving in somehow killed one of my AirPods, and the apartment got me sick within days of moving in. I had a runny nose, a sore throat, and chest tightness. Last year. In the middle of a respiratory pandemic. Understandably, I got freaked out and went for a COVID test. That was when test results took more than a week, so I got stuck in this fucking prison for eight days, which turned out to be too much time to reflect on my less-than-stellar situation.
Oh Good, it’s an Animist Prison
That was when I started to notice that something is off in this apartment. I’m not great with tuning into energies and sensitivities and whatnot, but the apartment was sending me some not-so-awesome signals due to all of the utter garbage that just kept. fucking. happening. Something absolutely stupid has occurred about every two weeks since moving in. I say to myself out loud, “I fucking hate it here and can’t wait to move” pretty regularly. I’d run down the whole list, but it would take days. Just take my word for it that this place is an asshole.
In recent years, I’ve been attempting to exist within a more animist perspective. If you’re not familiar with what that means, it’s essentially understanding that reality is alive, populated with people everywhere, and personhood extends well outside of just humanity. For someone with such a colonized mind as mine, it is not easy. I decided to switch my mindset on the apartment a bit and started to treat it as a person. Things really started to unlock for me when that happened.
About a month after moving in, things got really bad with a whole bunch of structural and repair issues that went horribly. The fallout lasted weeks. At the time, I got a specific feeling that I described as “a very humorless and strict British woman” in a journal entry. A school marm basically. I thought that her strictness and utter lack of compassion would either completely crack me, or it would push me to do something incredible.
I hoped it would be the latter, so I chose to try to relate to her a bit by soothing her. Due to the harsh British lady vibe, I started playing the apartment classical music weekly. It didn’t really help since the awful shit just kept on coming. I decided that I wanted out, so I switched tactics.
Right around then, I started getting calls from a realtor who was working on selling the building. He was hoping that he could bring potential buyers to my apartment for tours. I had the idea that getting the building sold would maybe allow me to get out of my lease, so I asked the apartment whether she wanted to get sold through a Tarot card reading. It was as a pretty emphatic yes, so I broke out a Saint Joseph statue to bury in the front yard and did a bunch of other magic.
At first, I didn’t think it worked, and I resigned myself to having to live out the rest of the lease here. I counted down the months until it was up. However, I was hoping for things to happen on my timeline for my needs. The building actually ended up getting sold this spring, and the new owners seem to actually be doing things to care for the property a little. At this point, it seems like she brought me here to give the sale a nudge, which worked out well for her. Not so much for me, but definitely for her.
Fleeing the Prison for the Woods
At the same time, the darkness and heaviness have been so palpable and strong for me here that it’s pretty much chased me out of the apartment. I spend as much time as I can outside.
In my old place — which is practically around the block — I lived right across the street from a city park, and I was there almost daily. I’ve refused to go back since I moved to the new apartment since the park reminds me just how horrible this place has been.
Instead, I’ve rekindled my love for hiking. I used to do it a few times a month, but it quickly turned into a daily ritual shortly after I moved. I actually hiked for 30 days straight between August and September. During these adventures, I brought a few gifts home for the apartment like stones and leaves.
Last year completely transformed my relationship with the more-than-human world, and I see things in a very different way compared to even two years ago. To get into why would add another thousand words to this already-too-long post, so I’ll have to save that for another time. However, just being out in the woods helped me to process a lot of stuff I’ve been experiencing. The thoughts I’ve had in relationship with the woods and parks I’ve been to have been extremely helpful in navigating my present. Together, we’ve also created what may be a very cool future. Had I not been chased outside by this awful apartment, I honestly don’t think I would’ve fallen into my current set of plans. I also wouldn’t have developed this incredibly deep relationship I’ve found with the Earth over the last year.
Turns out, the vibe I had with the horrible school marm was completely spot on: thanks to her fucking horrific energy, I may have unlocked an amazing possibility that will start later this summer. All of the exciting things coming my way have roots in the barbed ruler she’s used to rap my knuckles for the last year. I’m… grateful for it? Especially considering what I may be up to very soon. However, I’m also really fucking glad to almost be out of here. Regardless of what my future may hold, this place is still the worst.